Crazy Office

Situation #1: I brought my lunch at the breakroom and was eating it. Then came Charles, and my peaceful meal was ruined....

Charles: What's that?!!!
Julie: Ahm, chicken tenders..
Charles: I swear that's not meat!! Does meat look like that?? You got to add more colors to your food Julie. All you're eating are brown foods!

Carlos came in, and made things worse.

Carlos: What's happening here? Oh Julie, you bring your own lunch?! Where did you get those?
Charles: She goes to this little brown grocery store and gets little brown food!

Situation #2: It was lunchtime and I saw Charles coming in so I asked him where he's been.

Charles: I always go swimming during lunchtime..
(I looked at his big stomach...)
Julie: So, you're just floating? *smirk
Charles: I'll get back to you with that brown food of yours.

Situation #3: I wanted to drink some hot coffee but the one in the coffeemaker is already cold.

Carlos: Why don't you make a new one?
Julie: Because this is still full. I don't want to waste it.
Carlos: Dump it! You're in America! That's what we do, we're wasting so much!
Julie: No, I don't want to dump it. I'll just heat it.
(Carlos grabbed the coffeemaker and shoved it to my hands)
Carlos: Dump it! Dump it!!!
Julie: Alright, I will!
(Carlos happily called Izzet)
Carlos: Izzet Izzetttt!!! Do you have a camera?? Take a picture of Julie dumping coffee! She's Americanized now!

Situation #4: Carlos was telling the story of Norman cooking the burger patties using the microwave and they have this weird reaction about it.

Julie: Why? What's wrong with cooking burger patties in the microwave? I'm doing it.
(Everyboody looks at me with the same weird reaction.)
Izzet: Ask Charles.
Julie: Charles, why can't i microwave burger patties?
Charles: 'Coz it'll suck!!!! It will taste like rubber! You grill burger patties, not microwave them.
Julie: Yes you can! It will taste the same.
Charles: You gotta understand that microwave is not used for cooking, it's a heating device!

Situation #5: Charles went to our office and he was really frustrated about work issues. He looks lost and helpless so...

Julie: You guys have a lot of problems, dontcha? *smirk
Charles: You're lucky coz the window's not open or else I'll throw you right out of it.

Mga Hirit ni Carlos Part 2

It was February 16, 2007 (Friday) when Carlos invited us to have a drink at the Hilton Hotel. We arrived around 8pm and saw Carlos sitting at the bar. He ordered me a chick drink called Cosmopolitan and excitedly talked to V about a person named 'Mini-me'... I got so curious so I asked.

Julie: Carlos, who's Mini-me?
Carlos: Do you know Thomas A. ?
Julie: Yes. Why do you call him Mini-me?
V: Have you watched Austin Powers?
Julie: Nooo...
Carlos: Do you know Dr. Evil, the one who cloned himself and turns out to be a mini version of him??
Julie: Yes! I've seen that part but I never got to finish the movie. But why 'Mini-me'?
Carlos: Because he wanted to be ME! Hahahahahaha!!!

Carlos: He was once in this project. He always keeps on telling people that he finished the Project Management Program (a course taken by project managers) and that he had a masteral on this or that. One time, he saw his name at the projector during the meeting. He came to me and told me that he wanted his titles (PhD, MA) at the end of his name. I told him, 'Ohhhh, I don't think so!' He said, 'why not??!' Well, because it is something that you don't need to brag about!

Carlos: But now he's gone, he got kicked out of the project. Behavioural training, social interaction, cultural acceptance and humility are things that you won't get from taking those project management courses. It's something that you'll learn through experience. When he was still part of the project, Mini-me told me 'Carlos, you're crazy. You're always following the orders of Mary (the client). And you don't have the balls to tell her that she's crazy..' So I told him, 'Yes! You're right! I don't have the balls to tell her that. Do you want to tell her?' He said yes and went up to Mary and told her that she's crazy!! In the client's face!! He told Mary that she's crazy!!! So Mary told me that Mini-me should be kicked out of the project. I said 'Ok! You got it! He's gone!'

Carlos: I told Mini-me, 'I'm crazy! I admit it! But I'm not stupid. You told the client that she's crazy, so you're out of the project. Are you happy now? (*smirk).' Then he realized that I was right.

Carlos: I've lived on a lot of places all over the world because of the different projects that I've handled so I pretty much understand the mind of a client. I've lived in China, in Europe, in India...

Julie: India? How long have you been there?

Carlos: About a year. It was a horrible experience... I never had s** for a year!

Julie: Hahahaha, I can imagine..

Carlos: Ohh, you can NEVER imagine! You can never imagine!

Carlos: I've also learned not to mess up with your boss. One time, my boss Mark Black and I went to Argentina. (note: Carlos is Spanish).. So I treat him to this restaurant and I ordered the food for us to let him try some new things. Soooo, I let him eat the cow intestines but I didn't tell him they are cow intestines!! When I asked him how the food was, he said, 'Carlos, they kinda taste like shit..' I told him, 'that's what it is!' He got so pissed off and told me he'll get back to me someday and that I should experience how it feels like to be in a place where you don't know the language.

Carlos: And then a project opened in China. And they were deciding on who among the project directors should be sent there. Mark Black told them that he thinks I am most fitted to be sent in China. 'Mark, I don't know Chinese! Are you doing this because remember when we were in Argentina, I made you eat the cow intestines?' Mark said, 'now you'll know how it feels like to be in a foreign country with a different language, heheheh'....

Carlos: Off I went to China. It was really hard because I don't know the language!!! I have a translator, a young Chinese girl. I asked her to go shopping with me during the weekend coz it's hard to buy things there!! All are in Chinese characters! But my translator refused coz her boyfriend is jealous and her parents are very strict. I told her, 'then bring your boyfriend with you! Let's go shopping together! You'll still get paid coz you're working, you're my translator!' She still said no. So I went shopping by myself and took a cab, and the meter is in Chinese so I just took out all my money and showed it to the driver and he happily counted and picked up anything...And Oh my goodness, preparing my expense claims is a nightmare!! Dinner?? I put on $40 and just about anything coz I don't know how much I spent! Then SPL called me and asked 'how do I know that you spent $40 for dinner?' I told her, 'You don't!! I don't either!!!!'

Carlos: Then it always take me so lonnnggg to prepare my resource plan because when I asked one question 'How many reports are left?' The translator will translate my question and she'll go 'abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi', and then the client will answer 'abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi', then the translator will tell me 'Seven......' Oh my Goshh!!!! So, I'll ask another question again, 'Which report should be finished first?'....

Translator: Abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi.....
Client: Abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi abadi.....

Then the translator will again turn to me and say 'This one....'

Carlos: Then the SPL again called me because I'm one week late on submitting my resource plan. I told them I'm still working on it. But they said they need it now. So, ok. I sent them my resource plan. Then they called me again and said, 'Carlos, they're in Chinese!'....I told them 'Duh, I'm in China!!! That's what I've been working on! I'm still in the process of translating it!'

Carlos: So remember, never mess up with your boss! They can send you anywhere!

V's Birthday at Otani

It's V's birthday and he celebrated it at Otani, a Japanese Hibachi Restaurant located at Virginia Beach. The chef cooks in front of you and he does some cool knife flarings and stuffs.

The restaurant gave V a balloon and a straw necklace. But the balloon immediately loses air and got smaller... (but we love freebies, so what the hell)

Carlos hirit: No wonder they immediately give the bill when they gave you the balloon, so by the time it gets smaller, you're already out of the restaurant.

We sang happy birthday and the waitress hits the gong at every line.

Happy birthday to you...*GONGGGG!!!!

Happy birthday to youuu......*GONGGG!!!

Happy birthday dear Vvvieeee..*GONNGGGG!!

(The gong really made my day mwahhahaha. Imagine how awkward it was.)

V holding a sake and Carlos holding $10

Mary (the client) gave Carlos $10 to buy V a drink (a sake). So Carlos wanted an evidence of it.

Carlos is such a clown..

They all wanted me to try 'Mudslide', a chick drink.. (I'm really into sweet stuffs so I like this one)

Carlos hirit #1: Izzet, take a before and after picture of her!!!

Carlos hirit #2: Someday Julie, you'll find out that sugar and alcohol don't really go together.

Mga Hirit ni Carlos

Carlos is our Project Director here in Virginia under the Hampton Roads Sanitation District project. I've learned a lot from him. He has this cunning way of expressing his perspective on a lot of things...

Situation #1: Carlos called the SPL team for a meeting in one of the conference rooms. Washington (another SPLer) is home sick so he was put on a speaker phone so as to hear what Carlos have to say.

Carlos: I didn't call you guys so I can start bitching. But we're really in a big trouble here coz Derek and John are being rolled off next week. And right now everyone of us is in a really big mess. And unfortunately for Julie, she's also sucked up on the mess that we have.

In the morning, we should answer all the questions and help the client out and in the evening, we could get ourselves drunk and rant about how stupid these people are.

We should have a documentation on what normal CC&B day would be like. We should explain it to the end users like school kids, like 'this is a 24 hour clock, when the small hand is in number 6 and there's sunlight outside, this batch program will run..now when it's night time, this is what will happen.'

Washington: Derek? could you please bring the charger (laptop charger) to my apartment so I could work?

Carlos: WoRkKKK?? We're not fools you know. Do you think you're talking to your children?


Situation #2: Izzet invited the SPL team to the Hilton Hotel Bar to have a drink of the bottle of wine that Hilton Hotel gave her. Izzet came down with the bottle of red wine. Carlos called the waitress and asked for a bottle opener.

Waitress: Oh sorry, but it's forbidden to drink wine that's not ordered.
Carlos: But this wine came from you guys!! This is a free wine provided by the hotel!
Waitress: You could drink it at your room (smiling).
Carlos: Oh come on, just slip the bottle opener at my back and we'll act as if nothing happened.
Waitress: Really sorry but it's a rule here and I could get fired if I let you open that bottle...
Carlos (turning to Izzet): So Izzet, you invited us for nothing??

....
Carlos: You know guys I collect Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts. And I think I'm the only one person in America that has a Hard Rock Cafe (a place in Germany that I forgot) t-shirt. Because Hard Rock doesn't exist in that place. I was walking at the beach in Germany and a guy asked me if I wanted to buy a t-shirt and then I saw it was a Hard Rock t-shirt! Imagine, he thought of making a t-shirt out of a place that does not exist!! How cool is that?! So I bought the shirt and I told him, 'I salute you man! I really appreciate art! And this is the art of cheating!'


to be continued...

Trip to Virginia Part 1

January 5, 2007

V can't find his passport. I can't find my sanity... (I can already picture myself lost at the airport with a big laptop bag and desperately trying to contact anyone from SPL.)

January 6, 2007

Last minute shopping. My roommate and I went to Glorietta to buy some not-so-important but for-me-it's-important stuffs that I'll bring with me. JM insisted that I should buy a winter coat, so I did. The reminders of Jinna and Ma'am Cez are still streaming through my mind. Waw's magic To Do list is still with me (thanks Francis!). So I think I'm gonna be fine.

Gabi na pero sabog-sabog pa rin ang gamit ko. I found out that packing is not one of my strong points. My things just wouldn't fit in my luggage. Then JM stepped in, flipped his magic wand and taddaaaa, my luggage is all set.

January 7, 2007

First stop - Narita Japan Airport. NW20 ang connecting flight namin papuntang Detroit. Since sumakit ang tiyan ni V, he told me to proceed to Gate 24 and he'll meet me there. Sige lakad ako, confident na makikita ko agad ang Gate 24 dahil may signs naman. Nakita ko ang signs, nakaturo pakaliwa ang papunta sa gate namin. Pero pag tumingin ka sa kaliwa, hala! Pader! Kulang ang kapangyarihan ko para lumusot sa pader, pano ako makakarating sa flight namin?? WTF!

Ok, relak lang. Relak. Kaya ko toh. Ipikit ang mata at basahin ulit ang sign papuntang Gate 24, baka sakaling magbago. Balik ako dun sa sign. Pigil ang hiningang tumingala ako at nagbasa ng dahan-dahan. Sheeeetttt!! Nakaturo talaga sa kaliwa! Hanung gagawin ko???

Divine intervention. That's what I really need. Hindi ako pwedeng maabutan dito ni V sa gitna ng kawalan at baka tuktukan lang ako nun. Para akong batang nawawala, napapaligiran ng mga Hapon. Nakita ko dun sa waiting area sa kaliwa ko, may nakaupong Kano. Lapit ako. Naks, mapapalaban ako ng english. 'Hi, do you happen to know where Gate 24 is?' Nakkkksssss!!!!! Yavang! Tayo agad siya at sinamahan nya akong hanapin ang Gate 24. Aba, epektibo ang kariktan ko dito. Tinanong ko siya 'Am I not bothering you?' Sagot naman siya 'Not at all! I'm just killing time! I've been to this airport before so I know where this is coming from.' (*nosebleed)

To be continued...